The PBS!
Today started like every other day, woke up tired and wanting to roll back over. Got in the shower, shaved, got dressed, made lunches for everyone and got on the road. Though the morning did have a feeling like a wind of change was coming my way. I felt that gurgling building up in my duwadinum and was so very grateful not to have had that cup of coffee yet, as traffic was at a virtual stand-still. I was brewing up a monster of a bowl pizza and I was nowhere near a facility and had no intention of dropping trou in the rain!
I drove on and the eminence front seemed to subside for the time being. I listened to the radio and the moment faded into my past. I went into the office and sat down to turn on my computers and just as my arse hit the seat, rrrrrrrgggggggmmmfffff! A huge gas bubble made its presence known! Not that I farted mind you, but I did feel the beast's call! I would have to get up gracefully all the while clenching my arse cheeks together like some sort of glad wrapped day old loaves of bread to keep the menace from visiting too soon!
I got to my throne and none too soon! No sooner had my trousers hit the floor then my body released the most noxious, loud, and bowl drying flatus of my life, but the newly constructed bathroom with nothing on the walls captured and replayed the sonic boom echo at least a time or two more! Ahh, at least I had made it, the worst was over and now was time to just sit back and enjoy the ride. WRONG!
Ever have one of those shits that you think your gonna have to wipe until your arse bleeds and then to your amazement there's nothing there? Even when you wipe a second time to be sure you don’t get monkey butt later, still nothing there? Well, this was NOT one of those times! This was the Holy Grail of arse wiping shits...the dreaded Peanut Butter Shit! I need some friggin Brawny TP to get all this PB smooth crap out of my grommet! WTF?! I nearly broke a sweat trying to get it all off! Then to make matters worse, when I did finally get it all spik-&-span, I sat back down to rest and catch my breath and one lone little nugget jumped out of my ass for good measure! Needless to say, I feel roomier and ready for the world!
I drove on and the eminence front seemed to subside for the time being. I listened to the radio and the moment faded into my past. I went into the office and sat down to turn on my computers and just as my arse hit the seat, rrrrrrrgggggggmmmfffff! A huge gas bubble made its presence known! Not that I farted mind you, but I did feel the beast's call! I would have to get up gracefully all the while clenching my arse cheeks together like some sort of glad wrapped day old loaves of bread to keep the menace from visiting too soon!
I got to my throne and none too soon! No sooner had my trousers hit the floor then my body released the most noxious, loud, and bowl drying flatus of my life, but the newly constructed bathroom with nothing on the walls captured and replayed the sonic boom echo at least a time or two more! Ahh, at least I had made it, the worst was over and now was time to just sit back and enjoy the ride. WRONG!
Ever have one of those shits that you think your gonna have to wipe until your arse bleeds and then to your amazement there's nothing there? Even when you wipe a second time to be sure you don’t get monkey butt later, still nothing there? Well, this was NOT one of those times! This was the Holy Grail of arse wiping shits...the dreaded Peanut Butter Shit! I need some friggin Brawny TP to get all this PB smooth crap out of my grommet! WTF?! I nearly broke a sweat trying to get it all off! Then to make matters worse, when I did finally get it all spik-&-span, I sat back down to rest and catch my breath and one lone little nugget jumped out of my ass for good measure! Needless to say, I feel roomier and ready for the world!
posted by buster at 12:21 PM
2 Comments:
OMG!!! I cracked up the whole way through... At least you'll have plenty of room for cake later.. and make sure if you drink the coffee at least one out of 3 bathrooms is available for your immediate use.
Glad to "hear" your feeling better.. and I can only imagine how many people you stunk out of their cubicle... or rattled them out of their seat :)
I wanted to stop but I just had to keep reading. That was hysterical.
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