Too Lazy to Write My Own...
...but this is funny potty humor from an unknown source! I hope you enjoy!
CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office sothe smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff butdoesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do notstop until the full payload has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feetto make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk inand check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leaveand come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. Peoplemay become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into thebathroom.
ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal orforcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a suddenwave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledgeit. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farterin the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makesboth parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machinegun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. Ifthis should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyonehas left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what justoccurred.
COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poohits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has tostink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing theWALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the doorafter you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a veryuncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts,it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoidedwith the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proudof it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter thebathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Alwayslook around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who bandtogether to ensure emergency pooing goes off without ncident. Thisgroup can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The ClosetPooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building whereyou can least expect visitors. Try floors that arepredominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of apooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in thecubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of themost shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a pooat work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid alluncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into thebathroom that you are in a cubicle.This can be usedto cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Veryeffective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TurdBurglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove alldoubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave thebathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toiletwater. This is also an embarrassing incident. If youfeel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loudsplashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Tryusing a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Couldspend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting onthe pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on thecrapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty.This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office sothe smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff butdoesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do notstop until the full payload has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feetto make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk inand check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leaveand come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. Peoplemay become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into thebathroom.
ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal orforcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a suddenwave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledgeit. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farterin the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee.It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makesboth parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machinegun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. Ifthis should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyonehas left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what justoccurred.
COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poohits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has tostink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing theWALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the doorafter you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a veryuncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts,it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoidedwith the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proudof it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter thebathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Alwayslook around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who bandtogether to ensure emergency pooing goes off without ncident. Thisgroup can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The ClosetPooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building whereyou can least expect visitors. Try floors that arepredominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of apooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in thecubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of themost shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a pooat work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid alluncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into thebathroom that you are in a cubicle.This can be usedto cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Veryeffective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TurdBurglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove alldoubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave thebathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toiletwater. This is also an embarrassing incident. If youfeel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loudsplashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Tryusing a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Couldspend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting onthe pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on thecrapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty.This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
posted by buster at 4:50 PM
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