When peppers attack!

It is a scientific fact that the more spicy food you eat, the more you WANT to eat! (Sorry feminists, but it is the same for poontang!) It feeds upon itself over and over and well…over again! You feel it going down and, unfortunately, you feel it again when it visits via Montezuma!
I have long been a fan of “the heat”! It started with my humble beginnings and the black pepper craze of ’79! I found that fresh cracked pepper was the wicked god and I could get the rush from that easier than “poppers” or the Mountain Dogs (Mountain Dew and Mad Dog 20/20) that my friends were experimenting with! Not quite the buzz, but far less troublesome than the others and with less hang-over!

I soon learned that there was a point of diminishing returns when it came to black pepper and I had to tweak my fix! But how? I had never had any of the veggie peppers that I had seen in so many of my Mother’s cookbooks and I had little knowledge of these precious heaters. How would I get through the learning curve and still keep my taste buds in tact? (Fuck that, how would I get my fix, damn it?! I was, after all, a “heat-junkie”..!)

I literally stumbled upon Tabasco® sauce and it changed my fucking life!!! The sweet foretaste and the heated after-bite were absolute heaven to my ‘buds! How could I have been missing out on this sweet nectar for so long? Were my parents goat herders? Did they not want me to be happy? Was there really no Santa Claus??

I soon learned that there was a whole world of heat out there that had been kept from me! (Those bastards!) I was astounded and hurt as I couldn’t understand how my parents, who claimed to love me so very much, coulve kept this door closed to me for so long!? There was “heat” out there and you guys don’t care enough about me to share that knowledge with me? Was I adopted?

No, I was not adopted! I was, however, brought up in a family with ‘heat-aversion & taste empathy’ (h.a.t.e. if you will). How could this have happened to me? I was a good kid. I got good grades, I hung out with the “in” crowd! I held doors open for old ladies, I said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and I even lifted the seat before I peed! (I even washed my hands after doing so! I mean, come on!)

Then, came the single most life changing moment of my life…pledging! Not money, if that’s what you are thinking, but pledging a fraternity! Alpha Chi Rho to be exact! There were times of embarrassment, there where times when things worked to my advantage, but NOTHING made or had more of an impact than the hot sauce I had to eat over my fish-steaks! AHHHHHHHHHH! What a simple bit of greatness wrapped up in a little tiny bottle! The name was Texas Pete® and though it was not much hotter than Tabasco®, it was hotter and I was on my way to newer and better hot sauces!

I eventually found my way to jalapeno sauces. Great tastes including some by Rio Grande and even Dave’s! Then came the single most life changing moment in my hot sauce-life…habaneros! Holy ass shrapnel! I cant even begin to tell you how friggin much I LOVE the hottest of the hot peppers! What the fuck was I thinking? How is it that I missed this “heat” for this friggin long?
Dave’s Temporary Insanity Sauce®, Dave’s Total Insanity Sauce®, Dave ULTIMATE Insanity Sauce®! Holly shiit muslim Batman! What the fuck had I been thinking? I had missed out on the holy friggin grail of heat because I didn’t know where to look? How the hell does THAT happen?